Fuck Vampire Weekend

Much like Jeff's hatred of Slap Your Glans Say Bleahhh, I just don't fucking get the hype. This band is fucking terrible. It's the worst kind of precious, twee shit. It's double worse for being constantly aware of its own preciousness. Go fuck yourselves in the earholes with rusty lobster hooks, you pathetic hipster douchebags.

Thank you KEXP

On Monday, I received a receipt documenting another installment of my annual donation to KEXP Seattle, praised in this space and elsewhere as the greatest radio station in the world.

Then, I came into work to a new computer, that magically can stream their audio live, in perfect quality, with no buffering stupidity (which was a problem on my previous machine).

Suffice to say, I've been listening all week thus far, and have learned a few things:

1) We were promised jetpacks = greatest band name ever. Though really it would work better as an album title. Still, awesome name. Their song Quiet Little Voices is anything but quiet, and is good.

2) Working for a Nuclear Free City = unfortunately named band out of manchester. They sound like the result of a focus group conducted in my high school memories, updated to modern day pop-crunch (aka, lots of Stone Roses, Jesus and Mary Chain influence). Their song Nancy Adam Susan (what's with the terrible names, people?) is the shit. I can't believe I didn't pick up on this when it came out last year.

3) Yep, KEXP is awesome, and if you live in Seattle or New York, you should feel very very lucky they're on your airwaves. If you don't, but have a cubicle, get yourself some decent headphones!

Best song of the year - early candidates

Opening Act, by Drive By Truckers (lyric of the year: "And I’m driving north as the sun was rising over a Technicolor horizon")

Unforgettable Season, by Cut Copy (dance song of the year)

Probably something off the new Black Angels - Doves, maybe? (best use of reverb since what's the frequency kenneth?)

Devastatin Dave Presents: The Worst Song of the Year contest

Our first nominee for 2008: Sharp Drest, by Mochipet.


Sweet lord this song is fucking terrible.


Devastatin Dave, on the other hand, is amazing.

Got a nominee? Put it in the comments. We'll revisit this at the end of the year.

Chin Up

Yes, Hillary is still in the race, and many think that'll hurt the Dems come the general election.

And yes, McCain is looking stronger than ever, and I grow more and more terrified with each passing day.

But all is not lost, and Arcade Fire, the poster boys for youthful optimism in the face of overwhelming fear and loathing, are coming soon to rock out North Cackalacky. The best part? The shows are free, and are get out the vote rallies for Obama.

I'm moved to recall the words of David Rees, following the disastrous 2004 election:

"CHIN UP. We're smarter than those motherfuckers.
We can learn more quickly than those motherfuckers.
We can be more ruthless than those motherfuckers.
We can be some six-million-dollar motherfuckers ourselves.

Chin up. We're more American than those motherfuckers.
We're more responsible than those motherfuckers.
We're more compassionate than those motherfuckers.
Hell, our atheists are more Christian than their Bible-thumpin' motherfuckers.
There's an election in two years. There's nothing we can't do.
Chin up. Because it's on, motherfuckers. It is on."

Optimism Comes in No Greater Form than the Humble Meatball

For visual evidence that I make some durn good ones, I present exhibit A:

Ingredients:

Ground turkey

Crushed red pepper

A fistful of fresh rosemary, minced

Cayenne pepper

Paprika

Carmelized onions, minced

Salt and pepper

Saute until golden brown on all sides (yes, in my kitchen, spheres have sides), finish in the oven covered in tin foil.

Serve over a big bowl of pasta, with the greatest tomato sauce in the world (recipe forthcoming), and a generous amount of parmigiano reggiano.

Now go vote!

Why McCain will win

This is what I've been so scared of. McCain is calling for a mid-summer gas-tax holiday.

Most Americans are greedy, simple people. While I'd argue that HIGHER gas taxes is what we need, McCain will appeal to their sense of immediate self-gratification with his mid-summer gas tax holiday (will there be hallmark cards? Parades of SUVs? Sweet rave parties with sexy gasoline fights like in Zoolander?).

"All these tax increases are the fine print under the slogan of 'hope:' They're going to raise your taxes by thousands of dollars per year — and they have the audacity to hope you don't mind."

Messaging like that is why Republicans are better at politics than Dems.

"McCain twice voted against the very tax cuts he now supports; he says failing to extend them would amount to tax increases for millions of people."

Welcome to the pit, Johnny Mac! You've managed to rise from the 9th circle (Antenora, for traitors to party) all the way up to Bolgia 6 of circle 8 (for hypocrites). Rather fitting that his tax holiday comes over the peak of flip-flop season, no?

Of course who needs honesty when you got greed on your side.

Your next president, John McCain.

Who needs a drink?

Food Review – TIME

Head to head matchup between health code violator and beer drinker’s heaven, Ludwig’s Bier Garten, and TIME, which replaced it and opened last night.

Waitstaff
Ludwig’s: Hot hipsters and thickly-accented buxom European lasses in cleavage-baring dresses, who took forever to bring you your beer.

TIME: Villanova fratboys who take forever to bring you your beer.

Massive hetero advantage: Ludwig’s.
Massive extend-the-gayborhood-northward advantage: TIME

Bar surface
Ludwig’s: Ancient and somewhat decrepit wooden bar.

TIME: Cheap ass Ikea wood painted black.

Advantage: Ludwig’s

Décor
Ludwig’s: Soccer flags, peeling paint and picnic tablecloths

TIME: Rich mahogany and sleek modern tones.

Advantage: TIME

Beer list
Ludwig’s: The best German beer in the city, if not the nation. Only reliable source of Rauschbier in the city.

TIME: Decent, if less-than-unique collection, including a handful of the most common German, Belgian, and British beers, as well as a few American ales (incl. Bell’s Two Hearted, my current favorite).

Advantage: Ludwig’s

Other booze
Ludwig’s:
Marge: I'll just have a cup of coffee.
Bartender: Beer, it is.
Marge: No, I said "coffee".
Bartender: "Beer?”
Marge: [slowly] Coff-ee.
Bartender: Be-er?
Marge: C -- O --
Bartender: B -- E --

TIME: Whisky whisky whisky. Hoo boy do they have a lot of whisky. Much of it good. Granddad also available. Advice to TIME ownership – get a TIME take on the citywide special going – Granddad and a Yard’s Philly Pale = victory.

HUGE advantage: TIME

Price
Ludwig’s: Prohibitive, except during late night happy hour. The longer you stay, the more you can afford to get plastered.

TIME: Even more expensive than Ludwig’s. No late night happy hour.

Advantage: Ludwig’s.

Clientele
Ludwig’s: Ecclectic assortment, reflective of Philly as a whole (at least the white part of Philly). South/NE blue collar guys screaming at the Phillies, bike messengers and other assorted hipsters, lawyers. Of course, usually not that many people in general in the last year or two, as the crowd had moved to Good Dog.

TIME: Dooooooooooouche.

Advantage: Good Dog.

Food
Ludwig's: Delicious spetzel. Potato pancakes. Wurst.

TIME: Didn’t have it, but the bread comes with a revolting little tri-sectioned platter containing a piped flower of butter, a puddle of olive oil and a truly disturbing pile of a mustard-looking substance that would look more at home in a baby’s diaper than on a plate.

Advantage: Ludwig’s

The Final Countdown: Ludwig’s 4, TIME 2.

Food Review - Devil's Den

So i checked out devil's den last night. 11th and ellsworth.

In a word, it's great.

The beer list is among the best in the city, rivaled only by the POPE in terms of great IPAs (Bells Two Hearted, Bear Republic Hop Rod Rye, and a magnificent and evil triple IPA from Founders that weighed in at 13% ABV), and it goes a long way towards replacing Ludwigs (though that's really not possible) in terms of German beers. $6 for 23oz of Spaten? I can get behind that. Also, props for setting aside petty political bullshit and carrying both Yard's Philly Pale AND Philly Brewing Rowhouse Red. They follow the Ludwig's example in terms of glassware, fitting each beer to its proper vessel, which allows for the always fun game of "Who Gets The Coolest Glass". It will also, no doubt, lead to tons of theft. Tons of other stuff, but I didn't have it last night.

Food looks good - While I was disappointed that "The Axe" wasn't on the menu, the fries are delicious, and the bite of a portobello burger was the best such item I've ever tasted, by far. Heaps of caramelized onions, roasted tomatoes and smoked mozzarella - so much of the latter that it gooped out the side all over the fries- a VERY good thing.

As for sports watching capabilities, two bigass and gorgeous plasma screens sit above the bar, and last night one showed the flyers and one the phillies. The loud cheers when the Flyers took a 2-1 lead took me by surprise- the crowd was decidedly un-blue collar- mostly late 20's/early 30's white yuppies - in other words, me.

Some drawbacks - the wine list looks pretty weak, but who gives a shit, drink a beer, you fairy! Also, no Yuengling available, about which I could care less, but it still seems like a mistake. The 2nd floor is still not open yet, the service was predictably uneven (though friendly) given it was opening night, and there's no jukebox, which to me is a pretty grievous sin. The music was mostly bland 90's "alternative". If I wanted to listen to MMR I'd go back to drinking and driving, thank you.

Anyway, I give this place 3 Pinot Noir-laced mugs of Wit out of 4. Once they iron out the kinks, add a juke, and a pool table/darts upstairs, this could easily become my favorite bar in the city. Between the South Philly Tap Room, POPE, Caballitos, Ray's, the Dive, 12 Steps Down, Royal, and now Devil's Den, there's really no reason for me to ever leave my neighborhood (except, you know, for work).

Get on out and raise a glass to Confederate Snipers at this latest great Philly pub.