Great news!

There's approximately 68,000 fewer assholes around today!

That's right - Philly lost that many people between 2000 and 2007, a drop second only to New Orleans. Which really isn't fair - that's like awarding MLB rookie of the year to a Japanese player in his 30s. Thus, I say we're the real #1 here.

I'm still a far cry from living George Carlin's dream of living on the beach, so "that way you're only surrounded by assholes on three sides," but still, today is a good day. 68,000 down, only 1,449,632 to go!