Additional holiday treats

The Onion seems to have put most of its best writing into the shameless commerce division. Their merch has never been better. Consider the genius that is the fake gift boxes.
Or the beautiful simplicity of this.

A special holiday wish...

From special guest, Steve Martin.

Come On! Let's Boogie to the Elf Dance!

Ok, an update to my earlier item about Xmas music. The random Sufjan Xmas song to insert is Come On! Let's Boogie to the Elf Dance!

hijack a snowplow
clear out the streets
tell all the neighbors
there's cookies to eat

Now that's writing.

Photo request

Here you go, as requested, photos will be uploaded soon.

Holiday song wish list

Here's some songs that have yet to be made:

We Three Pimps
Jingle Crack Rock
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Alky
Cameltoe and Missiles (a tribute to the brave fighting women of our armed forces)
All I Want For Christmas is a $2 Whore.
Silent Snitch
Frosty the Pervert
I Jacked it to Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
Get Behind Me, Santa!*






*Note: Sufjan did it

Happy Holidays for your ears

So I was hoping this post would be about my recent two weeks in Spain. Alas, I have yet to pick up the new hard drive that will allow uploading of teh pics. So that'll have to wait. Instead, I'd like to take a moment to discuss something that resulted upon my return.

Yep, it's December.

I left pre-thanksgiving, and returned on December 2. This means that I was jarred straight into pre-xmas hell on my return, with none of the build up. Holiday shopping PR is already in full on blitzkreig mode. The worst part about holiday shopping season is the fucking music. I have a lifelong hatred of Xmas music, and this hatred is at its most virulent when some company bastardizes the words to some terrible fucking song to hock more shit that no one needs.

With that in mind, here's my top 5 holiday songs, all-time:

Top 5 Xmas Songs

1. Christmas at the Zoo – The Flaming Lips
2. Happy Xmas (War is Over) – John Lennon
3. I’m Fucking Santa – Lady Raptastic
4. Insert random Sufjan holiday song here
5. I don’t know, Silent Night or White Christmas or some shit that I barely tolerate.
∞. Grandma Got Runover By A Reindeer
∞+1. Jingle Bell Rock (yes, the Arcade Fire version too)

Finally, here's my holiday wish list:
1. matchbox lexus with a bigass red ribbon (reigning champion wish from past three years)
2. post-diamond bj with none of the "actual" diamond guilt or debt. (New ad campaign: "Zales. That'll shut her up").
3. Radiohead tickets
4. Portable/waterproof Ipod speakers
5. Sick professional chef's knife kit or a professional saucier or something like that.