From the desk of shut the fuck up

As you may have heard, Pennsylvania is planning on putting a four day damper on gun purchases, while they make long overdue upgrades to the state tracking system. Gun rights advocates are expectedly pissed, considering this yet another example of liberal Philadelphia pissing on the 2nd amendment. Their primary complaint is that the no-gun window will fall right around Labor Day, aka the start of hunting season. Apparently, Jim Bob likes to buy a new shotgun each year, and it's just not the same to do it a week early. It'd be like getting your birthday present a day early. No fun at all.

Get this (from Philly Inquirer this morning, by staff writer Angela Couloumbis - sorry, something's wrong w/ blogger's web linking capacity this morning):
House Majority Leader Bill DeWeese, a Western Pennsylvania Democrat who is a gun-rights advocate, put it this way: "I believe that this is a moment of administrative maladroitness on the part of the chain of command.

"I would be stupefied if there was a sinister cabal within the Rendell administration to engender mischief," he said, adding that he believed Scarnati was "just enjoying what he considers a delicious opportunity to foment the L word."

First off, I'm impressed that a gun rights nut correctly drops a maladroitness on us. But then he adds "sinister cabal" and "engender mischief"... How exactly does one "engender mischief", by fucking Bart Simpson? He simply falls off a cliff with that "foment the L word"... dude needs to put down the girl-girl porn.

Look, I agree that the timing on the gun freeze wasn't particularly smart, nor sensitive to the gun lust requirements of hunters. To which I say: so fucking what. State government and law enforcement involves massive bureaucracy, and planning something like this necessarily makes choosing a perfect timeline difficult. It's a low priority, and fucking should be.

So hunters- chill the fuck out, and either use last year's AK to gun down Bambi, or buy your 8 year old his first rifle a week early, and stow that shit until the big day. It's just that simple.

Finally, a reason to hate James Blunt a little less

Ok, very little, as the song is still garbage. But that little floating triangle dude is awesome.

Take that, Sharia!

'Murrica done got our own justice. No more due process. No more bill of rights. Behold, the Bat of Justice!

Yup. A new* TV courtroom show, and this one makes Judge Judy look like fucking Shari Lewis. It's "Eye for an Eye," apparently airing in Philadelphia on the WB at 3 AM. Don't let that fool you though, this show is bound to be a sensation. The premise is obvious - a judge hears redneck idiots argue about some drunken bullshit, and then makes a ruling. The punishment, however, isn't monetary compensation, but instead, yes, direct retribution. So if some jackass breaks your windshield for sleepin' with his baby momma, you get to smash in his windshield. You see what happens Larry? The Bat of Justice happens.

I love this show. I haven't seen it yet, and I love it.

Did I mention Kato Kaelin is the host? What if I told you that the judge is named "Extreme Akim"? Is that something you'd be interested in?

Not me, particularly. I'm mostly interested in the Bat of Justice. Which, in case you didn't check out the link above, they're SELLING ON THEIR WEBSITE. I give the over/under on two months before someone commits a murder with this thing, and this show gets sued like crazy. Maybe the suit can be heard as part of the show, they can rule against themselves, and the family of the murder victim can bring retribution on Kato, the judge, the producers, hell, everyone involved. It'd be like a Shakespearian play-within-a-play, only with fewer teeth. Advantage: Bat of Justice.

Next step: Sledgehammer Court.

*note - this thing apparently has been around for like 3 years. Who knew? The greatest trick the Bat of Justice ever pulled, was convincing the world it didn't exist.

Now entering brokesville. Population: me

I'm late in getting to this, and I have no excuse. I've just started perusing the ridiculously rich and massive collection of music being reissued by Hip-O Select , under the moniker "The Complete Motown Singles."

Each set covers a year of motown at its peak, and as far as I can tell, each is easily worth the lofty price tag. Oh dear. If I had to choose one, and only one, so far 1967 would win out. Apparently, I'm not alone. I consider it a massive personal failing that I am only just now getting into this stuff. Yeah, I'd always loved the favorites, but the fact that, until today, I had never given the Four Tops' "Bernadette" a serious listen is just a crime.

I intend to make up for lost time, and probably lose my wallet along the way.

Of course, Kenny Gamble is in the early stages of reissuing all the old Philly Sound soul, which I have always loathed, but, honestly, have never given a fair shake. I've learned my lesson. Kenny, bring it on. I'll give it another, more honest try.

Best of Philly: People Edition

If you haven't read the City Paper's cover story yet today, shame on you. It highlights some of the best humans we share space with, and it's a great read.

The piece on Andy Dyson is particularly good - I consider it a priviledge to know him, and I'm continually amazed at how much he gets it. Even though I prefer to walk.

And I'd be remiss not to weigh in on the Bob Koch piece. Best deli ever. The #1 thing I miss about West Philadelphia. Yes, I moved to the Italian Market, which offers great options like Sarcone's and DiBruno, but no one will ever live up to the perfection of Koch's. Not in New York, not in Philly. I wasn't a fan of the writing in this piece, but the assessment was spot on - it's still the best.

Birdshot: Budos Band, Go! Team, Grunge Zombies

BU-Dos, Budos Band, Budosbudosbudos Band
This past friday, I went to see the Budos Band play at the World Cafe Live.
World Cafe, operated by XPN, is a venue on which I am very conflicted. In a nutshell...

The Good:
Fantastic sound quality (esp. downstairs), great beer selection, cleverly designed spaces with lots of nooks and crannies, interesting artwork, central to downtown/easy to walk to from most of the city.

The Bad:
HORRIBLE acts 95% of the time. Not a big surprise given the link to XPN, which was spayed/neutered about 15 years ago. Lots of pretentious middle aged showgoers, lots of sitting around, not lots of dancing.

So, with that in mind, I arrived with low expectations... I was really excited to see Budos, who I've hyped in this space as an Africanized Morphine, but worried that the crowd would remain seated and indifferent to their infectious grooves. The result? The band is as advertised, though with quite a bit of Ska, and quite a bit of repetitiveness, and less funk than I initially thought. Very fun to dance to, if you (like me), were one of the 30 people who cleared out a small area up front to shake it. They had a ton of energy, and were clearly having a ball. Seeing a band having a ton of fun together is perhaps more infectious than good beats. They had both, and I was happy. That said, I strongly doubt the band's staying power. Without lyrics, you need to have some pretty broad range in your sound (see: Davis, Miles), or else all your songs start sounding the same (see G, Kenny). I fear that Budos may wind up in the same pile with late-term Ska, or, to be brutally honest, the Squirrel Nut Zippers.

The Go! Team
They are coming. We cannot get out.
10/26 at the Starlight Ballroom (aka the Bar-mitzvah Dome).
Big ups to R5 productions for securing the Go! Team again on this their second go-round of the U.S. Last year's show, also at Starlight, was without a doubt the highlight of the show calendar 2006, and I couldn't be more excited for this show. Double props to R5 for keeping the show affordable at $12.

Grunge Zombies will kill us all
Look, I understand that fashion is cyclical. That there's only so much one can do with a pair of jeans. I enjoyed, for a time, the 70's revival, with lots of browns and oranges, Ben Wallace's afro, bands playing organs again, and the fuzz guitar stylings of Kasabian. Then the industry moved on, and attempted to foist skinny black jeans and oversized sweaters on us again. And it fucking worked. Look people, skinny black jeans are fucking terrible. NO ONE looks good in them. And your new wave haircut? You might as well tattoo "douche" to your forehead. But hey, at least we got something good out of the 80's revival. We got The Knife. I've been joking for a while that the inevitable next step is a grunge revival. And with a sighting of Eddie Vedder last week, riding Dennis Rodman like a goddamn giraffe, the writing was on the wall. Well, as of this morning, the writing is literally on the wall.

Yup. Get ready for Nirvana cover bands at the Manayunk Brew Pub, and lots of girls not showing their breasts.

Fuck.

Friday's Reason for Optimism

Tertiate reasons to be happy today:


1) The Budos Band. This shit is slicker than a Dave Matthews Band tourbus. Except, unlike DMB, it doesn't suck. It's like an Africanized version of Morphine (the band, you junkie), with just a touch of ska thrown in (in a good way, I swear). They play tonight at World Cafe.


2) Exploding pigeons*. This morning, as I walked to work, I passed a swarm of pigeons chowing down at the corner of 9th and Washington. Their bounty? Someone's discarded sticky rice. A whole quart of it. As you probably know, throwing rice at weddings has been banned in most urban settings, because, well... it makes pigeons blow the fuck up. And that, my friends, is a good thing. Thank you, neighbors.


3) KEXP (see link to the left), early on a friday morning, streaming distortion-free through good Sennheiser headphones, and most of the Philly working world on summer rules regarding fridays - that is - NO WORK ALLOWED. And you know this, man!





*yes, this is naught but myth. Dammit - it's summer in Philly - I have neither time nor patience for "facts"