Mood Swings? Mood Swings!!!

Today started off as kind of a downer, with news that a former PADA ultimate player done been sellin' off hundreds of body parts on the black market. (note to self - secure commitment from Eli Roth for screenplay development).

Then, about an hour ago, some poor fool stabbed himself outside my office building and bled all the hell over Broad and Locust before being carted off in an ambulance.

So I was admittedly trolling for sunny news, and, sure thing, the Onion came through:

New Little Caesars Marketing Strategy Has Employees Throw Themselves On Hoods Of Passing Cars

September 3, 2008 Issue 44•36

DETROIT—Following the failure of the pizza chain's TV advertisements and coupon flier promotions, the Little Caesars corporate office introduced a new marketing strategy for select locations Tuesday that involves their employees standing outside the restaurant and hurling themselves onto the hoods of passing cars while shouting the day's special offers. "In today's media-saturated world, the key is getting the customer's attention," market analyst Jodi Baer said. "Darting out into the street, leaping in front of a speeding car, and quickly screaming 'One large 14-inch pizza plus an order of Crazy Bread for just $10.99!' before smashing through the windshield accomplishes that goal." This replaces the company's previous outside-the-box marketing campaign, in which employees strapped 15 pounds of explosives to their chests and screamed "Pizza! Pizza!" before blowing themselves up in a crowded marketplace.